Mrs. Dalloway

Mrs. Dalloway

She's always giving parties to cover the silence...

Why is she afraid of silence?She wants to hide from her past?She doesn't want it to come from the deep of her soul and rule the present?

Mrs. Dalloway is planning to give a party. She wakes up in the morning and goes to buy flowers. The wonderful colour of flowers are already make her room vivant but she wants more.Flowers everywhere. Especially for tonight,for her party. She walks on the streets of London. This might be the perfect day, just one day and her whole life is in it. The air, the lights, the fragrants are all included in this day.On her way to the florist everybody has a nice word to her,just as she has a nice word too for everybody. Mrs. Dalloway is admirable. She is the perfect hostess of the perfect party. She looks confident, so everybody thinks she is fine. But she isn't.

From the window of the florist her eyes meet with a young man's through the glasses. She doesn't know why, but his face makes big impression on her. His expression is mixed with fear and courage, sadness and wondering. It was just a second while their glances met, but it brought something what she can't erase from her mind.

As she arrives home she has to plan everything detailed: the food, the music, the sitting order. She invited everybody who counts.

But an uninvited shadow from her past is showing up, in a totally unexpected way. She opens the door and Peter Walsh is standing in front of her. He could be her husband. But he is not. This fact is light as a thunder in her mind. She didn't think she can remember so clearly again. All the days they spent together, Peter, Sally and her, Clarissa. It's all here now, many many years later. And she has to face now with the shadows of her past. They could be together now, Peter and Clarissa. But Clarissa is Mrs. Dalloway now and not Mrs. Walsh. She was not brave enough to be. Peter wanted so much from her, he wanted to own her. Because he loved her. And Clarissa chose another man, who let her breath, but with who she was not in love. They are having a good life together, she can do what she wants, Richard Dalloway is rarely home because of his business. With Peter she would have more dangerous life, with quarrels and fights, hate and passion. But she was not brave enough to choose that way. And now in this second these all run through her mind before she says to Peter: - "It's heavenly to see you again!"

But she rather feels like in hell. She doesn't know what to say, how to say it,she doesn't know how to look in his eyes. So they are sitting on the sofa, and after the polite "How are you?" and "What are you doing nowadays?" they don't know anymore what to say to each other. So Peter stands up and ready to leave.

-"I'm giving a party tonight, i would like you to come." - says Clarissa.

Peter doesn't answer, but Clarissa feels he will come.

And he really does. Clarissa wears a really elegant green dress, she is the perfect hostess tonight. She is walking between the guests and she thinks that everybody has a great time. She looks to the entrance of the room and she see and so familiar face there, she hears her voice too, and now she doesn't have doubt anymore. This is Sally. Her Sally. Who kissed her once on a party like this and they promised to each other that they will never apart and they will change the world. Their ways finally didn't go to the same direction, but now she is standing in front of Clarissa, with the same sparkle in her eyes what she already had years ago. This all runs through on Clarissa's mind before she is saying in a surprised and happy voice: "Sally!"

All her past is here now in this room, living again coming to the the surface.

As Clarissa passes by some guests she hears what are they talking about. A young man killed himself this afternoon when his doctor wanted to check him and probably send him to an insitute where they take care of him in a way he needs.

Clarissa feels, she knows that it was the young man who she saw in the morning. He had the fear of the life in his eyes and the courage to die.

"Is it so easy to disappear?- Mrs. Dalloway asked herself. Can a life just disappear like that in the deep? Who will remember for him?"

Mrs. Dalloway will, she knows it for sure, and now she has to go and continue her party to cover the silence...